Winter Quarter 2011

Dinner dates
Lunch dates
Space Needle fireworks show
Late night ice cream at Rick's Cafe
Superbowl weekend
Lazer tag
Dimsum
China Town
Korean Mall
Space Needle
Swing dancing
Electric tricycle carriege
All girl's Valetines night
Movies
Hillsong United Concert
Winter Conference at Portland, Oregon
Returning to God
Awesomeness of Allen library
Group studies
Vlogging
Skipping classes
ABC Room
Dress hunting
U Village stroll
Love life-->*poof*
Development of stronger friendships
Meeting new friends
Bus to Bellevue
The Cheesecake Factory
Lots of carrots
Apple a day
Bagels bagels bagels
Cereal for breakfast
No more Top Ramen
Discovery of box noodles
Muffin Thursdays
AAIV Large Group
Re-arrange room
New ride to and from Seattle
Musical play at Emerald Ridge
Skipping down the Ave
Extra credit movie at Fisheries Building
R&B singer down the Ave
"My Favorite Deli" old man's smiles and waves
Security guard letting me pass throug without my ID
Sean's sticky notes
Bartell Drugs mini shopping
Study abroad interview
Change of major
Easy classes
Brown boots
Brown colorscheme
Red coat
Pimple war
Continuation of skin problems
Grooveshark
"Boys Before Flowers" soundtrack
"Bokura Ga Ita" soundtrack
South Campus hangout
Korean choreography
Yiruma
Ratatat
Doubting singing abilities
Rebuking lies from Satan
Gaining confidence in singing abilities
Trusting God with everything

City Lights

Gasworks Park, Seattle

Out of all the scenery in the world, I love city lights the most. I always think to myself that when the time comes for me to die, I would want my favorite view to be the last thing that I see. That would be really nice :)

I want to go to Tokyo, New York--anywhere this magnificent site can be found.

Just a few minutes ago, my emotions were absolutely at its worst. But then I google-imaged "city lights" and it brought to my face a smile I desperately needed to keep studying for this last final in Music 160.

I don't know what it is about them. Maybe it's the way they look like little sparks of gold dust in the complete darkness, signs of life in a dying world, maybe it's the way they look like Christmas times 300. But whatever it is about them, I want it to remain a mystery--that way when I'm old and gray I can look out into the city and enjoy the wonders and unexplainable emotions it stirs within me.

10 Things I Dislike

In no particular order...

10. That girl who thinks "Just kidding" after making a maliciously rude (possibly true) comment makes everything okay. #$^&$, You better guess it. I'm on to you.

9. Sneezing a second after I just applied mascara.

8. Getting hit with that girl's umbrella and she doesn't say "Sorry."

7. Cats. Nuff said.

6. That group of people who stop in the busiest street to catch up with old friends. Find a corner people!

5. When that guy standing in Red Square has no sense of body language and still gives me a flyer even though he saw me gradually walk on the opposite side of where he was standing. Dang human spams!

4. "Whispering" girls behind me during lecture.

3. Having the option to chose between the stall with poop remnants, un-flushed toilet with blood all over, or a missing toilet seat.

2. Studying really hard for that one section and not have it show up on the test.

1. Asian girls smoking in a group. What a joke.

The Tide

I cast a shadow unto mine own image

Never realizing the implications of the things unfinished

A barricade I built to what once was my place to hide

Right on the shore to be washed by the tide

A royal blue flower on my box it sleeps

Silently at night I hear it weep

It longs for the wall to be filled again

With all the memories it held before came the rain

I can't control the rain, when it comes and when it goes

But when it comes, time surely slows

I will knock, but don't open the door

You will see I am drenched with things not pure

The window is clear enough for you to see

The difference between that girl you knew and the present me

The sun rose, a hopeful promise to erase away

But I awoke in the morning with a scream

Disappointed when I realized none of it was a dream

Natalie Tran

You may know her from her famous Youtube channel "Community Channel." Her humor is similar to mine and I can't get enough of it. In this point of my life, I may or may not have seen the 200+ videos that she's uploaded. She's simply irresistible.

Yiruma

This New-age Pop composer steals my heart. "Kiss the Rain" is one that makes my heart glow and expand at the same time. I listen to all his songs while trying to focus on writing essays or just read, period. He helps me get through the stress of college life and for that I am most appreciative.

Question

My heart awoke in sadness on the sun's homecoming to Seattle. Reason is yet unknown. Instead of my routine clicking of "Feel like dancing" station while putting my make-up on, my fingers chose "Sing it Out" instead (which contains slow, sad songs for the most part). It carried on throughout the day even as I listened to "Pockets Full of Sunshine" by Natasha Beddingfield while walking down the Ave. Curious and quite disturbing, I felt urges to break down and cry. ? WTF.

Why are you so sad, heart?

Reality

A sad realization occurred to me yesterday as I sat in the passenger seat of my mom's car singing along Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream." I wouldn't admit it before, but I think it's time to make it official--.....I'm not good at singing. I literally suck. I shamelessly released my frustration out loud to my mother and she didn't disagree. -_-
She tried to make me feel better by reminding me that things change when people get older. Well thanks mom! I really needed that pep talk.

As a child, I was what you would call a "triple threat." But really I was "quadruple threat." I could dance, sing, act, model on demand. One of my earliest childhood memories are of me performing to drunks who sought out entertainment for the night, grandparents eagerly interested in seeing my potential careers in the future, neighbors gathering who found amusement in my spontaneity and eagerness to show my talents. It took me 14 years to realize that I wasn't actually good at any of the said "talents" I thought I had when I was a child. A little depressing, especially since I'm personally seeing the gradual suckiness of my abilities.

I'm not petite, or flawless enough to be a model. I can't act. I have lost my ability to dance, and now, my voice.....my voice isn't even good enough to sing. I can't harmonize, hold a note, ornament tones. My actual voice isn't attractive and not very pleasing to hear. If I don't like my own voice, how do I expect anyone else to like it? Sucky part of growing up #3,167--realizing that you can't even do that most basic and easy talents to pick up. I'm afraid I've lost myself. I lack a distinct (or common) talent in which I can be proud to perform in front of the world, even the drunks in town.

Regret

Jhonil and I on my 10th birthday celebration at Jollibee.

I know what I look like, but the main focus is the boy right behind me. He is my beloved cousin. Beloved, I believe, only to my family's eyes. By family, I mean my mom, my older sister and I.

Admittedly, I never went out of my way to care for him since I was right around his age and knew no better. But years have passed and the memories I carry of Jhonil is a gloomy one. Jhonil was always so outgoing, a partner in crime with his older brother, Andro. He would always get into trouble just because he'd come up with the stupidest things to do. But who could blame him? He had a heart of an adventurer, always wanting to do something. Unfortunately, even if he had the opposite personality, I think his mother would have still treated him unjustly. Even worse, my grandmother would treat him differently from the rest of her grandchildren. It was all the scolding, the abandoning, the trading, the letting gos, the favoritism that I remember the most.

I recently came in contact with my other cousin, Jarry, who informed me that Jhonil is now a quiet and odd man. I asked how and he said that he acts like a child. I suppose it makes sense that he finally became a reserved and "odd" man as a result of his upbringing but I still can't accept it. I'm mad that he never received the love and attention that he deserved and still deserves. I want to hug him a thousand times and spoil him with everything he's never had, but even then, I know it won't do. Nothing will do. I can never give him a childhood like the rest of his brothers and sisters had. I can't ever go back to when we were younger and let him know that I love him, that I care so deeply about him. Even if I say that to him now, I'm sure he wouldn't believe me. He wouldn't believe anybody.

I asked Jarry to take a picture of Jhonil since they're neighbors but I don't know how that's gonna go since Jarry told me that he says "hi" to him sometimes and Jhonil wouldn't reply back. Hopefully he'll consent so I can finally see what kind of a man he turned out to be. All I can do now is hope that one day he will see his full potential and not let his past determine his future.

Style

Naturally as I grow older my taste in clothes change as well as color scheme. The younger me liked colors, bright and flowery. This season in my life, I adopted a new taste.


Baked eye shadow to compliment my skin tone and make my eyes pop.



Pair of cute, brown earrings to accentuate my features.


Cute, brown top.


Skinny jeans.


I actually own a pair of these, but I like the brown boots look. It is a subtle highlighter to my skin tone.

It's a little obvious that my favorite color scheme is brown isn't it? I guess I just like my skin tone and I want to highlight that part of me. I don't always wear brown of course, but I find myself gravitating towards this color more than others. I fear that this may be a sign of adulthood--growing to like boring colors. :/

Deja Vu

I just realized, my days are freakishly identical in events, scenery, and people. To explain, I will let you in on my daily routine.

Winter Quarter Daily Routine of a College Student, 2010.

6:00 am - Wake up, turn phone alarm off.

6:01 am - Check to see if someone else is using the bathroom. If yes, go back to bed for 15 more minutes while listening for the sound of people getting out of the bathroom. If not, run in the shower: shampoo for a good 5 minutes, conditioner, leave conditioner on while scrubbing entire body, shave, rinse, dry, get out of the shower.

6:40 am - Wash face

6:43 am - Turn lap top on. Check Facebook. Turn on Grooveshark ("Feel Like Dancing" playlist). Reply to anything important on facebook, usually from cousins in the Philippines.

6:50 am - Get down to business. Make-up time.

7:30 am - Stop make-up. Dry hair, blow dry, curl. Tease. Curl. Re-arrange.

7:55 am - Decide on outfit that goes with make-up and hair.

8:00 am - Get a bowl. Pour cereal. Heat cinnamon raisin bagel for exactly 25 seconds. Pour milk on cereal. Take bagel out of microwave. Go to room to eat. Listen to feel good music.

8:05 am - Brush teeth. Act.

8:10 am - Lather lotion all over body.

8:12 am - Accessories. Curl eyelashes. Make sure everything looks good together.

8:14 am - Dance.

8:17 am - Put on a coat. Grab sack lunch. Phone. Ipod on ears. Lock door.

8:18 am - Out the door.

8:20 am - waiting for that stop light to turn red so I can cross the street.

8:25 am - In Anglo-American Folk Music class. Madeline Wei sits next to me. Say, "Hey, how are you?" or "Whaddup."

8:30 am - Class starts. Ms. Sunardi lectures. I'm intensified by what I'm learning. I lean in closer and closer. I actually rock to the ballads while everyone else is asleep or cringing.

9:20 am - Walk out with Madeline to next class. Talk about the book we were supposed to read for the day.

9:30 am - In English 250. We are in assigned seats. I'm at the very front sitting next to Madeline. Constantly afraid that the old man will spit on me while he's discussing the book. Genuinely interested with what people have to say so I keep looking back at the person talking. I'm anxious the whole time since I have to talk at least once to get my credit for the day. I finally say something. Red in the face. Relieved. Go back to listening to people.

10: 20 am - Bust out my half pound carrots to eat while walking to UW Tower. Listening to music. Feel like a champion for eating vegetables. Have to go through a mob of smokers. Mostly Asians and Middle Easterners. Guy with curly hair is smoking.

10:40 am - Look at the clock. It's 10:40. Yes! I have time to eat. Take out my packed bagel, heat for 20 seconds. Eat while reading a magazine or listening to music (depending on if there's a magazine or not).

10:55 am - start to think about if I should work soon or not. Nah.

11:00 am - Say, "Hey Sean." I get a reply, "Hey Chris, How are you?" I say, "I'm good, how are you?" He says, "I'm good, thanks." Get down to business. Print out cards. Print out replacement cards. Pack stuff. Run credit cards. Audit. Listen to music while auditing. Sneak in Facebook if time allows, or if no one is looking.

1:00 pm - Take out Fuji apple. Rinse. Bite off sticker. Go to elevator. Get out of elevator. Walk down the Ave. Eating apple still. Guy with the curly hair still smoking. ? .... Look at people eating in Chipotle. Get jealous. Throw apple in the nearest disposal. Go to Odegaard to wash hands and put lip gloss on.

1:15 pm - Pick a seat in Oceanography 102. Usually sit in the same spot, 3 rows back, center. Michelle Louie sits either side of me, so does Eric Harris. I say something about work. Say something random. Make them laugh. OR talk about Oceanography.

1:30 pm - class starts. I'm lost.

2:20 pm - Ipod on. Go home. Walk seems like forever miles.

2:30 pm - Turn on computer. Check Facebook. Hungry. Cook. Dance.

3:10 ish pm - Eat.

[miscellaneous stuff: fill out planner, stare off into space, contemplate, remember people who I have to reply back to, Facebook people whom I haven't talked to in a while]

5:00 pm - Homework. Facebook (every other minute).

10:30 pm - Wash face. Brush teeth. Treat pimples. Get ready for bed. Check Facebook one more time.

11:00 pm - Bed.

[Struggling to fall asleep]

11:15 pm - Sleeping.

Do it again.

Everything before 2:20 is absolutely set. But everything after that is completely flexible. I may hang out with friends, attend an appointment, go to extra credits, etc. The reason for me recording this is because I want to have a good idea of what my days look like in this time of my life, as freshman in college. I know that next quarter it will change once again, just like it did last quarter. As time passes by, I will pick up another routine and forget about this one, but for now, I want to reflect upon the seemingly mundane life that I lead. It might be strange to say but I am thankful for this schedule. The fact that my life has a schedule is a blessing in itself.

It's easy to forget about the blessings God gives you when you feel like you must do certain activities. For me, I see it as "I get to.." I get to put on make-up. I get to eat breakfast. I get to go to classes in University of Washington. I get to go to work in UW Alumni Association. I get to have an awesome boss. I get to have friends to sit with during class. I get to do homework because I go to an awesome school. I get to check my facebook. Okay, not that..but seriously, I truly find beauty in the fact that my life is incredibly simple. I have nothing to worry about except for that next midterm I have to rock. For now, I will lavish on this simplicity and enjoy it to the fullest. One day, I will look back and reminisce on the days when all I had to worry about was school and how my pimples just keep multiplying despite my ferocious effort to terminate them all one by one.

This, I realize, is something not everyone appreciates or is consciously aware of. I walk to classes and see the same people, wondering if life for them is just as set as mine. I honestly think I may be one of the few left who actually looks at the horizon and see how beautiful God made the day. Sometimes I catch myself thinking about the here and now (I am walking to my next class, I am walking to my work) and get caught up in the little things. But that's when I look up and see the sky meeting the earth, the construction happening below the bridge and how it reminds me of the Philippines, how the numerous buildings and arched bridge miles away makes me feel like I'm in another country. I smile at that just thinking how incredibly blessed I am to be able to live this life, a life literally billions of people envy. I don't know what I did to deserve it, but I'm sure it's just another way of God reminding me how much He truly loves me.

Individuality

I work for the University of Washington Alumni Association. Sounds fancy, but the actual work isn't. I am constantly bombarded with two things I don't like: names and numbers. God is gracious enough to provide me with a job that doesn't require actual math skills, or else I'd literally hypnotize myself before going to work everyday. But more important than the numbers are the names I come across. It's shameful for me to even think it, but to say it out loud is even worse. The fact is,....,....well, I want another name. I know what you're thinking, "Merry Chris Sison is the most amazing name anyone has ever heard of." But I'm just not feeling it. I believe that one’s name should fit a person’s personality or, in the least, fit one’s face.

I was enjoying Dimsum with a few friends on Martin Luther King holiday and one of them said, “I’m sorry Chris, someone just thought you were a boy.” Point proven!

Let me break it down to you. First, "Merry Chris" sounds way too girly for my taste. Everytime it's uttered out of a person's mouth, it literally doesn't make sense to me. I can't identify with the name. Right now, if someone two-feet away from me was yelling "Merry Chris" from the top of their lungs I wouldn't even look. I'd probably think they were singing some unfinished jingle bells song. Second, "Sison" doesn't go with my first name, or any name that I try to pair it with. No one can even pronounce it right. I can't even pronounce it right! Unfortunately, each time I come across an awesome name, I immediately start imagining my life with that name. It's horrible, I know. I should be glad of the name I have. At least it's not "Loveday Conquest," (actual name I came across one day). My only chance now it to marry someone with amazing last name. Something like "Pitt" wouldn't phase me ;) But the real problem is how to stop myself from envying people with “cooler” names than I do. How do I embrace this name of which I don’t find a sense of “me-ness?”

Etymology

Casta, as you may not know, is derived from the Spanish language, meaning "pure." As a 13-year old girl I sought to find individuality and originality in creating the perfect e-mail address. The hunt began on babynames.com, or something along that line. I fought to discover a word that would perfectly describe me and at the same time, incorporate my passion (different cultures and languages). Andra, from the Greek language, meaning "strong and courageous," then became the last half of what is still to this date, my e-mail address. Naturally, as I thought of the best representation of myself in creating this blog, I thought of the most uncool titles. "Diary of a College Student," "Metamorphosis," are just a few examples.

In the end, Casta just felt right. Although I am no longer that "pure" 13-year old girl, I take the name as a reminder that people change, and it's in their change that one sees a person's true and real self. I dedicate this blog as a documentary of my life--recording the gradual change in thought, in action, in choices, in appearance, in taste, in everything that makes me the person I will be tomorrow.